Mail

Dear Ugo,

I am beyond sorry for your loss. Words can’t express how deeply sorry I am. Receiving your letter was both shocking and exciting, but the message within really broke my heart. 
I know he was a really good guy from the way you described him and I know you loved him very much. I wish I was there to comfort you, but I know Holy Spirit is the greatest comforter and He’ll do that for me.

I can remember when you broke up with me, I felt like I’d never get over you, but I did. Time heals all wounds Ugo, give yourself time to heal. 

I know that God is in control even though it doesn’t seem so and this is the best time to go to him because he loves you and he cares about you. Go to God the same way you wrote your last letter to me, go to Him like a long lost friend and lover and tell him all about your grief. We can never know why Bolupe died. God’s ways are unsearchable, you know how he says in Isaiah 55 that his ways aren’t our ways and his thoughts aren’t like ours. All I know is that He can mend your broken heart and fix you back up, He’ll even make you better than you were before if you make Him the love of your life. Hold unto God’s promises for you in the Bible and I am certain that everything is going to work out for your good.

At least you have a consolation that Bolupe is with Jesus in Heaven, he’s probably rejoicing and singing with the angels serving God for ever and ever. I see no reason why you should let his death hold you back from serving God when that is what he now does 24/7. What do you think Bolupe will want you to do at this point? 

Love,
Aina

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Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord . [9] For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Not everything in life will go in the way that we originally planned. There’s someone up there who controls everything that goes on down here and He has said that His ways are higher than ours. Stop trying to make things work when they don’t want to work, God sees everything and he’s in absolute control. Sit back, relax and let him take the wheel. His plans for you are always better than those you have for yourself. 

👑 Àyànfé. 

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Mail

Aina, 

Exactly a hundred days ago Bolupe died. 

I can’t even think properly. 

Aina, I’ve been stuck in limbo ever since. Bolupe was my… everything. My teacher, friend, confidante, my brother, my boyfriend, inspiration, mentor, my muse… 

Aina, I don’t know how it happened, he was alive and well in the morning, he’d just shared with me the theme he’d gotten from his quiet time that morning. He’d read John 6 and you know how I’ve been struggling in my spiritual life, he told me of how Jesus had called himself the bread of life and how we are to eat him to have life, and I asked him “How can we eat Jesus?” and he answered simply, by reading his word day and night, and not just reading, but meditating also, by fellowshiping with him. His memory verse that morning was verse 63 of that chapter 

It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh profits nothing, the words I speak to you are Spirit and they are life. 

My tears just stained the paper, I’m sorry Aina, you’ll receive a tear-stained letter. He forced me to memorise the verse before leaving for the office. 

I remember everything else vividly, I checked the time before picking up the phone call from an unknown number, it was 5 minutes past 2 in the afternoon. The person on the other end said that they’d seen my card in someone’s wallet and the person was fighting for dear life in the hospital. 

Remembering everything is so painful. It’s like it all happened yesterday, the pain is so raw, I don’t feel like I’ll ever get over it. 

Where was God? Aina where was God when death came and snatched my beloved? If anyone deserved death, it wasn’t Bolupe, he was too good. Is God meant to be this unfair? I’m tired at this point, I’m tired of even trying to have a relationship with Him, I’m tired of trying to pray, I’m tired of trying to be happy. I don’t think I can ever be happy in life again in fact. I think that was why my mum advised me to write to you. 

Although this letter is written with tonnes of pain and sorrow from a heavy heart, I hope it meets you well,
Ugochi. 

____________

Guess which lazy blogger decided to post tonight? 

Hint: you’re reading her blog. 

👑 Àyànfé 

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