Mail

Aina, 

Exactly a hundred days ago Bolupe died. 

I can’t even think properly. 

Aina, I’ve been stuck in limbo ever since. Bolupe was my… everything. My teacher, friend, confidante, my brother, my boyfriend, inspiration, mentor, my muse… 

Aina, I don’t know how it happened, he was alive and well in the morning, he’d just shared with me the theme he’d gotten from his quiet time that morning. He’d read John 6 and you know how I’ve been struggling in my spiritual life, he told me of how Jesus had called himself the bread of life and how we are to eat him to have life, and I asked him “How can we eat Jesus?” and he answered simply, by reading his word day and night, and not just reading, but meditating also, by fellowshiping with him. His memory verse that morning was verse 63 of that chapter 

It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh profits nothing, the words I speak to you are Spirit and they are life. 

My tears just stained the paper, I’m sorry Aina, you’ll receive a tear-stained letter. He forced me to memorise the verse before leaving for the office. 

I remember everything else vividly, I checked the time before picking up the phone call from an unknown number, it was 5 minutes past 2 in the afternoon. The person on the other end said that they’d seen my card in someone’s wallet and the person was fighting for dear life in the hospital. 

Remembering everything is so painful. It’s like it all happened yesterday, the pain is so raw, I don’t feel like I’ll ever get over it. 

Where was God? Aina where was God when death came and snatched my beloved? If anyone deserved death, it wasn’t Bolupe, he was too good. Is God meant to be this unfair? I’m tired at this point, I’m tired of even trying to have a relationship with Him, I’m tired of trying to pray, I’m tired of trying to be happy. I don’t think I can ever be happy in life again in fact. I think that was why my mum advised me to write to you. 

Although this letter is written with tonnes of pain and sorrow from a heavy heart, I hope it meets you well,
Ugochi. 

____________

Guess which lazy blogger decided to post tonight? 

Hint: you’re reading her blog. 

👑 Àyànfé 

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