thoughts at midnight, Uncategorized

THOUGHTS BY MIDNIGHT 

I can’t sleep, exam prep has driven me near the verge of insomnia, I fell asleep while I was praying around 10pm, I don’t think I lasted 20 minutes, Ireti goes for at least an hour. 

My big brother called by 11:20pm, I’m quite a light sleeper and he’s kind of a night crawler (don’t tell him I said so)– he was actually coming from work. 

Anyways, I woke up, opened the gate for him, gave him dinner and now he’s asleep on his bed while I’ve been tossing and turning for the past 2 hours.

It’s actually partly due to my anxiety issues, I told my mum I’m better now so I’ve stopped using my meds. Ireti used to have serious ADHD and she’s stopped using her meds for over a year now and she’s good, I asked her how she did it and she told me two words: 

Radical faith

If she can do it, so can I, I guess.

She found Jesus sometime last year after she had been molested at a party and now he’s basically the only thing she knows, and the Holy Spirit too, she’s always calling on the Holy Spirit. 

Me, I’ve been a Christian since I was maybe 5, so if she can do it, I see no reason why I can’t. 

Then there’s also the part of Christians being foolish and not using their medication, Tamuno says that God created medicine for a reason, people got sick in the Bible and were told to drink wine, that wine had medicinal value, God also advocates for medication and I should stop being foolish and use my drugs before my blood pressure skyrockets. But Ireti says that ‘what you believe will work for you’

I believe in God, he should work for me. 

That’s not even the reason I’m awake, I mean, the anxiety is keeping me awake and all, but I’m not having anxiety issues over my anxiety issues (make what you will of that). I’m having anxiety issues over the fact that it’s admission season and the past 2 years I applied to schools and always got bounced off my dream course (I think it’s this whole admission fiasco that legit triggered off my anxiety issues and made them worse) 

Anyways, my Mum thinks I should just stop going after my dream course which is Medical Lab Science and go for something else like Microbiology or Forensic Science just so I can enter school this year. Admission letters would start coming out by next week, so the idea of being bounced off Medical Lab Science, again has kept me awake for so long. 

Ireti advised me to pray about it and ask God what I should do. Let me be sincere here, the first time I did that, I went to my room, locked myself up, went on my knees, and I fell asleep on less than 10 minutes. 

Sigh.

It’s like God is not interested in telling me much about my future right now. Tamuno says that I should do what feels right to me, I should go with my gut instinct, but first of all, I’m not an animal, I don’t believe in gut instinct. Second of all, even if I did believe in gut instinct, I don’t even know what my gut wants again because I’m so confused. And I don’t want to tell Ireti that I can’t hear anything from God, I’ve been a Christian for longer than her, if she can hear from God, I see no reason why I can’t.

All these thoughts have been playing and replaying in my head in different ways for the past 2 hours and I have been unable to sleep. Let me try again sha. 

xoxo,
Dani

___________

Let’s just behave like I’ve not been on a hiatus for like ever. Let’s just behave like this is not my first blog post of the year. Let’s just act natural and let’s pray that I have the strength, courage and enablement to pay part #2 of this tomorrow.

Hi guys, it’s been way toooo long and I’m sincerely sorry. I’ve been dealing with life for quite a while now (it’s been pretty fun BTW) so I’ve been too caught up to even remember that I own a blog. Ife called me last week (God bless her for me) and she said that she’s waiting for my write-ups and sincerely, so have I. During my over extended blog break, I tried to learn how to develop myself not just as a writer, but as a Christian writer, so here I am. I’m here to stay– by God’s grace, and that grace had better be sufficient. 

Adios, 
Mure.  

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: RIGHT SIDE UP JONAH STORY

Lemme just drop this.

*closes eyes and takes a deep breath*

My blog has been inactive for 2 months now. I had to take an exam this past month and I feel that’s excuse enough for being offline.

But in all honesty I’ve been running. I’ve been playing Jonah with my writing. I was having a conversation with someone early this year and we got to my writing and the person told me something along the lines of ‘what is the point of writing if you’re not writing for God?’ After May, I felt the urge to make my blog a Christian blog and I started running. Writing became a huge challenge because it meant I won’t just close my eyes and whip something up from the depths of my imagination whenever I wanted to post; it meant I’d have to ask the Holy Spirit for help and wait for him to answer and give me the go-ahead. And sometimes it feels like I can do without God (I can’t BTW) Like why do I need his help when it comes to writing? This is like my thing; why should I ask for help? Why do I need monitoring? Why do I need to ask permission? And so on and so forth.

So it began. I started playing Jonah sometime in July, posting sporadically. A friend of mine told me that my posts were losing their buzz, what was happening to me? I was thoroughly discouraged and I kept on playing Jonah. I explained the whole situation to another friend and he told me ‘Best to write by the leading of the Spirit and touch one person’s life than for everyone to praise my posts and there’s no difference.’ His words were such an encouragement but I still kept playing Jonah.

I didn’t want to share my struggles on my blog and it’s like God wanted me to do the very thing I didn’t want to do. So as usual, when my will clashes with his, nothing works out till his will is done.

So here I am back from my hiatus (I love that word). I’m done playing Jonah. It’s time to let go. Jesus take the wheel, Im’ma be in the back seat from now on. Writing this, the heavy burden that has been on my chest–which prevented me from doing what I love for over 2 months– has been lifted.

Piece of advice: Don’t resist the will of God, it’s futile (I learnt from experience)

So… I’m back!!!

Who missed me?

👑 Àyànfé Oba (the King’s Beloved)

Happy New Month.

Happy Independence Day to all Nigerians.

God bless Nigeria.

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AUTHORS NOTE 

Hi there! 

No, I wasn’t run over by a bus or anything, I just didn’t post 2 consecutive times because… well life got in the way and all. Lame excuse I know, I’m sorry. 

But I’m going to be going on a blog holiday for the most part of June. 

Gasp! Why?! 

Well, I’ve got exams this month and I have to face my school work. 

I might post sporadically though, maybe once a week. Just don’t hold your breath. 

My most sincere apologies

👑 the King’s Beloved (Àyànfé)

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