thoughts at midnight, Uncategorized

THOUGHTS BY MIDNIGHT 

I can’t sleep, exam prep has driven me near the verge of insomnia, I fell asleep while I was praying around 10pm, I don’t think I lasted 20 minutes, Ireti goes for at least an hour. 

My big brother called by 11:20pm, I’m quite a light sleeper and he’s kind of a night crawler (don’t tell him I said so)– he was actually coming from work. 

Anyways, I woke up, opened the gate for him, gave him dinner and now he’s asleep on his bed while I’ve been tossing and turning for the past 2 hours.

It’s actually partly due to my anxiety issues, I told my mum I’m better now so I’ve stopped using my meds. Ireti used to have serious ADHD and she’s stopped using her meds for over a year now and she’s good, I asked her how she did it and she told me two words: 

Radical faith

If she can do it, so can I, I guess.

She found Jesus sometime last year after she had been molested at a party and now he’s basically the only thing she knows, and the Holy Spirit too, she’s always calling on the Holy Spirit. 

Me, I’ve been a Christian since I was maybe 5, so if she can do it, I see no reason why I can’t. 

Then there’s also the part of Christians being foolish and not using their medication, Tamuno says that God created medicine for a reason, people got sick in the Bible and were told to drink wine, that wine had medicinal value, God also advocates for medication and I should stop being foolish and use my drugs before my blood pressure skyrockets. But Ireti says that ‘what you believe will work for you’

I believe in God, he should work for me. 

That’s not even the reason I’m awake, I mean, the anxiety is keeping me awake and all, but I’m not having anxiety issues over my anxiety issues (make what you will of that). I’m having anxiety issues over the fact that it’s admission season and the past 2 years I applied to schools and always got bounced off my dream course (I think it’s this whole admission fiasco that legit triggered off my anxiety issues and made them worse) 

Anyways, my Mum thinks I should just stop going after my dream course which is Medical Lab Science and go for something else like Microbiology or Forensic Science just so I can enter school this year. Admission letters would start coming out by next week, so the idea of being bounced off Medical Lab Science, again has kept me awake for so long. 

Ireti advised me to pray about it and ask God what I should do. Let me be sincere here, the first time I did that, I went to my room, locked myself up, went on my knees, and I fell asleep on less than 10 minutes. 

Sigh.

It’s like God is not interested in telling me much about my future right now. Tamuno says that I should do what feels right to me, I should go with my gut instinct, but first of all, I’m not an animal, I don’t believe in gut instinct. Second of all, even if I did believe in gut instinct, I don’t even know what my gut wants again because I’m so confused. And I don’t want to tell Ireti that I can’t hear anything from God, I’ve been a Christian for longer than her, if she can hear from God, I see no reason why I can’t.

All these thoughts have been playing and replaying in my head in different ways for the past 2 hours and I have been unable to sleep. Let me try again sha. 

xoxo,
Dani

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Let’s just behave like I’ve not been on a hiatus for like ever. Let’s just behave like this is not my first blog post of the year. Let’s just act natural and let’s pray that I have the strength, courage and enablement to pay part #2 of this tomorrow.

Hi guys, it’s been way toooo long and I’m sincerely sorry. I’ve been dealing with life for quite a while now (it’s been pretty fun BTW) so I’ve been too caught up to even remember that I own a blog. Ife called me last week (God bless her for me) and she said that she’s waiting for my write-ups and sincerely, so have I. During my over extended blog break, I tried to learn how to develop myself not just as a writer, but as a Christian writer, so here I am. I’m here to stay– by God’s grace, and that grace had better be sufficient. 

Adios, 
Mure.  

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At His Feet

2017: LESSONS LEARNT 

LESSONS THE HOLY SPIRIT TAUGHT ME ON PATIENCE

2017 has been a wonderful year for me quite frankly, I did things I’d never have thought myself capable of doing and accomplished some wonderful feats. All these beautiful reports didn’t happen overnight mind you, there was always a constant effort to push and keep pushing, there were lots of frustrating moments, depressing moments, and even sad ones. There was a lot of trial and error involved in my learning process and also times I hated myself for not being good enough and for not being up to standard.

Through it all however, God’s Holy Spirit was there with me to guard, to guide and to teach, and I want to share with you the lesson I learnt on patience this year.

If you ever ask me ‘what fruit of the Spirit do you exercise the least?’ I don’t think I’ll even give a thought before I mention patience. I always tell people that when God was creating me, and depositing in me attributes for my personality, he ran out of stock on patience and just had to send me down to earth without it.

I hate waiting; patience to me is more of a waste of time than a virtue. 

I hate waiting in line, I hate waiting for food, I hate waiting for people, I hate waiting for my phone to stop hanging, I hate waiting for anything and everything! Worse off, I hate waiting for myself. I love learning new things, however, if I don’t learn as quickly as I usually do, I start hating myself for not being good enough, I start hating myself for not being able to do whatever, all because I’m not patient enough to wait for myself to learn. If I’m wearing a fitted long skirt and I have to take short steps as I walk I can’t bear to be patient enough to wait for one foot to land on the ground as I walk. It’s that bad.

In my journey with God and relationship with Him, I hate that I’m at one level of my spiritual life and moving forward is such a long and slow process. God had to teach me this year, that there is a process to things, you don’t just emerge. A flower doesn’t just bloom; a caterpillar doesn’t just become a butterfly, in life there is a metamorphosis process that can never be ignored. 

I learnt that there is a process to everything and you don’t just emerge, you have to be patient and you have to trust the process.

I was listening to Travis Greene’s ‘You Waited’ last night and I realised just how patient God is. He also wants to see us bloom and emerge as beautiful butterflies, but He knows He has to take us through a making process and He does so patiently, even when we mess up, even when we fail. He patiently takes us back to the drawing board and teaches us everything we need to learn. I went back to all the times in my life that my parents, my teachers, my friends and loved ones, just weren’t patient enough with me, I recollected their disappointments, frustrations, anger and annoyance and I tried to imagine if God ever had any of those feelings towards me. I recalled all the times I’d given up on certain things, all the times I’d gone into depression and hated myself just because I couldn’t be patient enough to allow myself learn, and I realised that God was still there, patiently waiting to teach me. Even when I sinned He patiently waited for me to come back to him.

All the times I wasn’t patient enough for me, he was always there waiting patiently.

I learnt that God didn’t run out of stock on patience when creating me, I know that I am created in His likeness; if he can be patient, so can I.

I know that all his works are good, and I am assured that as He created me, he put in a good measure of patience, I just find it hard to exercise the patience he gave me that’s all. I’m going to have to dig deep and ask the Holy Spirit to help me find the patience that He deposited in me from creation and help me to use it maximally.

Where would I be, if you left me?


In all honesty, I really don’t want to know. I don’t want to know where I would be if God hadn’t waited, just so he could teach me patience.

What Amazing Grace, that you’ve shown so patiently,

And you waited for me, just for me

Oh oh oh.

Thank you Jesus, for Amazing Grace.

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Reviews

Book Review: Remember 

Remember by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley. 

This is the second installment in the Redemption series and wow wow wow! I’m still not over it. After finishing Book 1, Redemption, 2 weeks ago, I just had to get myself the second book and boy! was it worth it. If you haven’t read this book, I’m recommending it now! 

I just love the way the authors manage to make the title of the book, which is usually an abstract noun or a verb rhyme with the whole story till the end. 

Remember was basically about remembering, Kari got to remember her first love, her first husband and all, Ashley’s story was the bigger one with a deeper rooted meaning and bringing Alzheimer’s patients into the novel was just beautiful. 

The authors also wrote about the 9/11 attacks in the novel. I was barely a toddler when the attacks happened, but the ability of the writers to carefully, adequately and expertly explain the attacks, from the plane crashes, to the global shock, to even little details like the smell of sulphur and ash, the smell of death, the smell of hell; I was taken to another place and time and God knows, I cried. 

The narrative is exquisite and next to none really. The ability of the writers to write the novel from several view points, giving each character particular traits and a means of observation to make the narrative style unique is simply goals! 

The ability of a Christian writers to also delve into the field of humanism, explaining the concept; giving it weight, credence and even life was beyond me. For well-founded Christians to expertly explain and showcase the minds of those who are dead-set against God, wow! Just wow! Extreme kudos to the authors, I cannot wait to read book 3.

This novel is simply a winner! The message given to readers at the end is basic. Don’t get too caught up! Remember the most important things in your life; remember your faith; remember your first love. 

Don’t forget! 

Remember!!!

👑 Àyànfé

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Words On Marble

PRAYER II

If you’re looking to develop your prayer life, here are some tips. They worked for me and I hope they work for you too.

First off, you need to stop thinking of prayer as a straight-laced, military-regimented kind of exercise. Open your mind to God, see it instead as a conversation with your Maker, the One who owns the Universe, talk to God as you would a close friend and then, just flow. Tell him anything and everything.

Second, I believe it essential for you to know yourself and know your limit. A friend once told me of how she wanted to get serious with her prayer life and decided to go an hour a day. It didn’t work out eventually. You should know your limit, if you’re not a person who is used to prayer. Start small, maybe 15 minutes a day, then gradually increase your prayer time as you get better. I started with an hour a week, gradually I increased to 30 minutes a day, then 45 minutes a day and on and on. Prayer is a gradual process. Do not neglect the process.

Fellowship with the Holy Spirit is also key to enjoying prayer time. When the Spirit communes with you often (and this can take on several forms) you’ll find yourself looking forward to prayer time just to enjoy those blessed moments with Him.

Finally, I’ll suggest that you get a prayer partner. Someone who you’re comfortable with who can pray for you and you can also pray for, or you could even join a prayer group. 

Try these tips and if you notice an improvement in your prayer life don’t hesitate to share your testimony with me. 

Feel free to comment other healthy tips to growing your prayer life, I’d love to hear from you. 

Don’t hesitate to shar  if this post has blessed you, you never know who could be in need of it. 

Goodnight

👑 Àyànfé 

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Words On Marble

XL

Once upon a time, in a place I cannot name and a time I can not reveal. There was a man, his name was XL. 

XL’s mother had died giving birth to him and his father had been his only guardian, he grew up a very lonely child, by the time he was 6 years old his father married again. Her name was Eleanor; Eleanor was unable to have any children due to a genetic diesease, XL was an answer to her prayers, he was the son she would never have been able to have. 

Slowly but surely, XL and his new mother formed a strong bond. His father was barely around always going around the world on business trips, it was just XL and his mom. Eleanor trained and taught her son, teaching him manners, taking him to church, counseling him and all.

Unfortunately, disaster struck soon and at age 15 XL lost his second mother. He had been very reserved, very stubborn and difficult in his childhood, but his mother’s death made him shut himself from the world. He only ever communicated with his childhood friends freely, others could barely get a word from his mouth.

XL’s father decided to send him to military school a year later when he started acting up, his step-grandmother who had accepted to be his guardian could barely keep him in check. From military school XL went on to enlist in the army in a bid to run away from his lonely and empty life back at home, he was also searching for something, he didn’t know what, he initially thought he was searching for death and the adrenaline that comes with action on the battle front, he soon came to realise that was not what he had been searching for. 3 years I to his military career he was advised to withdraw, although XL was a good soldier and an excellent marksman, he was driven to near insanity, insomnia and suffered heavily from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

He was in a military rehabilitation centre for 10 months before he was let out into the civilian world again and in those 10 months his step-grandmother, Mrs Helen had come to see him every week. At first, he was unaccomodating of the old woman, but he soon came to love her. Mrs Helen listened to him talk about his military career and immediately knew what exactly XL had been searching for when he entered military service. 

“XL, it’s not love or fulfillment or adrenaline or any of that, that you were searching for when you joined the military” Mrs Helen told her step-grandson, a couple of years later as she lay on her death bed “You were searching for what every human soul searches for in this life and it can only be found in one place. There is only one person who can give you the rest that your soul most desperately desires and his name is Jesus.”

XL shook his head in tears as he held the hand of this old lady that he had come to love over the past years “God? Nah, he gave up on me a long time ago”

“No XL, he never did, he’s been waiting for you for so long, he’s crazy in love with you, he’s desperate for you, he has your name engraved in the palm of his hand, his angels are ready to throw a huge coming home party just for you in heaven if you surrender yourself to him” Mrs Helen said. 

XL shook his head yet again “Even if all that is true, it’s too late for me”

Mrs Helen squeezed XL’s head “It’s never too late for anyone who’s willing to give God a chance, the only time it’ll ever be too late for you is when you die without him, it’s not too late XL”

“You don’t get me, Grandma” XL said “Do you know the things I’ve done? The people I’ve killed? All the things I’ve entangled myself in over the years? I can’t even begin to tell you the half of things I did even before I joined the military. It’s too late for me Grandma, I’m too far gone, don’t you get it? I’m in too deep. There’s no hope for a person like me”

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord” Mrs Helen began “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

“What?” XL asked? 

“If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land” Mrs Helen continued.

“You think you are too far gone, but God has promised that no matter how filthy you are inside, no matter what awful things you may have done, if you are willing and obedient, he will cleanse you by himself. If your sins are as scarlet, they shall be made like snow, even though they are red as crimson, they shall be made like wool. XL, God’s hands are not shortened to save, don’t undermine his power; his ears are not heavy not to hear you when you call out to him. Sweetheart, give God a chance. Just give him a chance and obey him and he’ll change your life completely.

“Promise me”

“Huh?” XL looked up at his Grandma 

“Promise me you’ll give Jesus a chance. XL I need you to promise me that for the next 1 year at least, you will give Jesus a chance, talk to him, he listens to you; read the Bible start from the 4 Gospels hear what Jesus has to say and you’ll see that you aren’t too far gone. You’re right where he needs you to be”

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Isaiah 59:1 KJV

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear.

Talk to God, he’s listening. 

Lovely thoughts for lovely people. 

👑 Àyànfé (the King’s Beloved)

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Words On Marble

LIBERTY 

​Romans 8:5 KJV

For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

Someone asked what is my obsession with this scripture because I always go back to it over and again. 

Well, when I started learning to hear from God, this was the no #1 scripture he gave to me that I fully understood.

So it has already been established, you can’t follow God and follow the crowd. Number 2 is; you can’t do the things of God and continue to do the things of the world. Nope, it doesn’t work out that way. You can’t lead worship session in church and go back to sleep with your boyfriend, you can’t finish your Quiet Time only to go see an R-rated movie. You cannot do the things of God and still do the things of the flesh. It doesn’t work out. And I also learnt this the hard way. 

So at some point in my life I realised the works of literature I exposed myself to were not the best and the Holy Spirit made me to understand that I had to cut them off, but I was so sentimental and hung up over the beautiful world in my head, I couldn’t fully let go. I was stuck in limbo because I kept on going through all the storylines, the scenes, the characters and whatnot. 

It was a struggle, a very difficult one in fact and I had to talk to someone about it and she told me. 

“This life is made up of God and vanity. If it is not of God, then its vanity. And all these things that you are desperately hung up over that God wants you to let go off, they are not profitable. They don’t give life. Only Jesus gives life, all these things are death. You see it as a punishment that the Holy Spirit doesn’t want you to read all your fun novels and watch all your cool movies, but see, Christ gives liberty. God is not punishing you, but he’s liberating you from all these things that have power to enslave you.” 

After my friend explained this to me I went back to Romans 8:5 and I realised, I’m not of the flesh, I should not be hung up over things of the flesh because Christ has made me free and he has given me the power to do away with things that do not benefit. 

Galatians 5:1 KJV

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

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I just had to put the second scripture because the Bible is complete. 

👑 Àyànfé 

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