Mail

Dear Ugo,

I am beyond sorry for your loss. Words can’t express how deeply sorry I am. Receiving your letter was both shocking and exciting, but the message within really broke my heart. 
I know he was a really good guy from the way you described him and I know you loved him very much. I wish I was there to comfort you, but I know Holy Spirit is the greatest comforter and He’ll do that for me.

I can remember when you broke up with me, I felt like I’d never get over you, but I did. Time heals all wounds Ugo, give yourself time to heal. 

I know that God is in control even though it doesn’t seem so and this is the best time to go to him because he loves you and he cares about you. Go to God the same way you wrote your last letter to me, go to Him like a long lost friend and lover and tell him all about your grief. We can never know why Bolupe died. God’s ways are unsearchable, you know how he says in Isaiah 55 that his ways aren’t our ways and his thoughts aren’t like ours. All I know is that He can mend your broken heart and fix you back up, He’ll even make you better than you were before if you make Him the love of your life. Hold unto God’s promises for you in the Bible and I am certain that everything is going to work out for your good.

At least you have a consolation that Bolupe is with Jesus in Heaven, he’s probably rejoicing and singing with the angels serving God for ever and ever. I see no reason why you should let his death hold you back from serving God when that is what he now does 24/7. What do you think Bolupe will want you to do at this point? 

Love,
Aina

____________

Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord . [9] For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Not everything in life will go in the way that we originally planned. There’s someone up there who controls everything that goes on down here and He has said that His ways are higher than ours. Stop trying to make things work when they don’t want to work, God sees everything and he’s in absolute control. Sit back, relax and let him take the wheel. His plans for you are always better than those you have for yourself. 

👑 Àyànfé. 

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Mail

Aina, 

Exactly a hundred days ago Bolupe died. 

I can’t even think properly. 

Aina, I’ve been stuck in limbo ever since. Bolupe was my… everything. My teacher, friend, confidante, my brother, my boyfriend, inspiration, mentor, my muse… 

Aina, I don’t know how it happened, he was alive and well in the morning, he’d just shared with me the theme he’d gotten from his quiet time that morning. He’d read John 6 and you know how I’ve been struggling in my spiritual life, he told me of how Jesus had called himself the bread of life and how we are to eat him to have life, and I asked him “How can we eat Jesus?” and he answered simply, by reading his word day and night, and not just reading, but meditating also, by fellowshiping with him. His memory verse that morning was verse 63 of that chapter 

It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh profits nothing, the words I speak to you are Spirit and they are life. 

My tears just stained the paper, I’m sorry Aina, you’ll receive a tear-stained letter. He forced me to memorise the verse before leaving for the office. 

I remember everything else vividly, I checked the time before picking up the phone call from an unknown number, it was 5 minutes past 2 in the afternoon. The person on the other end said that they’d seen my card in someone’s wallet and the person was fighting for dear life in the hospital. 

Remembering everything is so painful. It’s like it all happened yesterday, the pain is so raw, I don’t feel like I’ll ever get over it. 

Where was God? Aina where was God when death came and snatched my beloved? If anyone deserved death, it wasn’t Bolupe, he was too good. Is God meant to be this unfair? I’m tired at this point, I’m tired of even trying to have a relationship with Him, I’m tired of trying to pray, I’m tired of trying to be happy. I don’t think I can ever be happy in life again in fact. I think that was why my mum advised me to write to you. 

Although this letter is written with tonnes of pain and sorrow from a heavy heart, I hope it meets you well,
Ugochi. 

____________

Guess which lazy blogger decided to post tonight? 

Hint: you’re reading her blog. 

👑 Àyànfé 

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Words On Marble

XL

Once upon a time, in a place I cannot name and a time I can not reveal. There was a man, his name was XL. 

XL’s mother had died giving birth to him and his father had been his only guardian, he grew up a very lonely child, by the time he was 6 years old his father married again. Her name was Eleanor; Eleanor was unable to have any children due to a genetic diesease, XL was an answer to her prayers, he was the son she would never have been able to have. 

Slowly but surely, XL and his new mother formed a strong bond. His father was barely around always going around the world on business trips, it was just XL and his mom. Eleanor trained and taught her son, teaching him manners, taking him to church, counseling him and all.

Unfortunately, disaster struck soon and at age 15 XL lost his second mother. He had been very reserved, very stubborn and difficult in his childhood, but his mother’s death made him shut himself from the world. He only ever communicated with his childhood friends freely, others could barely get a word from his mouth.

XL’s father decided to send him to military school a year later when he started acting up, his step-grandmother who had accepted to be his guardian could barely keep him in check. From military school XL went on to enlist in the army in a bid to run away from his lonely and empty life back at home, he was also searching for something, he didn’t know what, he initially thought he was searching for death and the adrenaline that comes with action on the battle front, he soon came to realise that was not what he had been searching for. 3 years I to his military career he was advised to withdraw, although XL was a good soldier and an excellent marksman, he was driven to near insanity, insomnia and suffered heavily from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

He was in a military rehabilitation centre for 10 months before he was let out into the civilian world again and in those 10 months his step-grandmother, Mrs Helen had come to see him every week. At first, he was unaccomodating of the old woman, but he soon came to love her. Mrs Helen listened to him talk about his military career and immediately knew what exactly XL had been searching for when he entered military service. 

“XL, it’s not love or fulfillment or adrenaline or any of that, that you were searching for when you joined the military” Mrs Helen told her step-grandson, a couple of years later as she lay on her death bed “You were searching for what every human soul searches for in this life and it can only be found in one place. There is only one person who can give you the rest that your soul most desperately desires and his name is Jesus.”

XL shook his head in tears as he held the hand of this old lady that he had come to love over the past years “God? Nah, he gave up on me a long time ago”

“No XL, he never did, he’s been waiting for you for so long, he’s crazy in love with you, he’s desperate for you, he has your name engraved in the palm of his hand, his angels are ready to throw a huge coming home party just for you in heaven if you surrender yourself to him” Mrs Helen said. 

XL shook his head yet again “Even if all that is true, it’s too late for me”

Mrs Helen squeezed XL’s head “It’s never too late for anyone who’s willing to give God a chance, the only time it’ll ever be too late for you is when you die without him, it’s not too late XL”

“You don’t get me, Grandma” XL said “Do you know the things I’ve done? The people I’ve killed? All the things I’ve entangled myself in over the years? I can’t even begin to tell you the half of things I did even before I joined the military. It’s too late for me Grandma, I’m too far gone, don’t you get it? I’m in too deep. There’s no hope for a person like me”

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord” Mrs Helen began “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

“What?” XL asked? 

“If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land” Mrs Helen continued.

“You think you are too far gone, but God has promised that no matter how filthy you are inside, no matter what awful things you may have done, if you are willing and obedient, he will cleanse you by himself. If your sins are as scarlet, they shall be made like snow, even though they are red as crimson, they shall be made like wool. XL, God’s hands are not shortened to save, don’t undermine his power; his ears are not heavy not to hear you when you call out to him. Sweetheart, give God a chance. Just give him a chance and obey him and he’ll change your life completely.

“Promise me”

“Huh?” XL looked up at his Grandma 

“Promise me you’ll give Jesus a chance. XL I need you to promise me that for the next 1 year at least, you will give Jesus a chance, talk to him, he listens to you; read the Bible start from the 4 Gospels hear what Jesus has to say and you’ll see that you aren’t too far gone. You’re right where he needs you to be”

_____________

Isaiah 59:1 KJV

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear.

Talk to God, he’s listening. 

Lovely thoughts for lovely people. 

👑 Àyànfé (the King’s Beloved)

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my renaissance

MY KIND OF PERSON 

I don’t want to be an average person, 
I don’t want to be too predictable, 
I’ll leave an air of mystery around me, 
And pick at your tail feathers, 
While you pick your brain, 
As you try to figure me out. 

I don’t want to be an average friend,
Who just laughs with you, 
Neither do I want to only play, jest and cry, 
I don’t just want good times, 
I want to imprint on you, so the world will see. 

I want to be emblazened on your heart,
To stamp myself on you so you never recover,
From the rare phenomenon that is me,
I want to leave you better than I met you, 
I don’t want to be just a friend, 
I want to impact your life for good. 

Talking about impact, I don’t just want to make impact on the world, 
Neither do I want to make optimum impact, 
No, I want to be a head-on collision, 
To take up the world by storm, 
I want to be a revolution, 
A shining beacon of change. 

I don’t want to be the kind of person you simply get over, 
I want everyone to be hung up over me when I’m gone, 
You can forget my face, forget my name, even forget me, 
But I don’t ever want you to forget the things I did.
Thats the kind of person I want to be,
That’s my kind of person. 

___________

Jesus Christ walked this earth and he was no ordinary person. He was unique, he was a story teller, very worded, a little sarcasm, a lot of parables. And I’ve been reading all about his lifetime for the past month. He was no ordinary person. He was so extraordinary, 2017 years after his death he’s still relevant. 

Now, that’s the kind of person I want to be. 

Who do you want to be?

EXP #1 coming in tomorrow, can I get a whoop! 

A.N.T.I.C.I.P.A.T.E

👑 Àyànfé 

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poetry

MY FEAR III

Love anyways;

Its better to be heart-broken than heartless.

Love Anyways.

That was the solution to heart break.

To embrace the one thing that I knew would break me.

Sigh.

It was easier said than done, I have to admit.

After having shut off my heart for so long,

I didn’t know how to love again.

I tried and failed countless times.

I had succeeded not just in breaking my own heart,

But also in breaking myself.

I was broken.

I broke me.

I don’t know how he managed to do it, or why,

All I know is that at the point where I was at my all-time low

Jesus came and had mercy on me,

He came and helped me mend my broken heart,

He began to fill me with himself,

To fill me with his love.

Slowly, but surely, I began to love again.

As I began to love Jesus, he taught me to love myself,

To love my neighbours and even my enemies.

He taught me the purest form of love from which there’s no heartbreak.

I’m still learning though, I’m his work in progress.

But he fixed my heart up and saved me from one of my greatest fears.

________

🍔 Cheeseburger.

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Uncategorized

Good Friday 

So today is the day 2017 years ago that dear Jesus was crucified, not because he did anything wrong, but because you -and I- were too far gone in our sins (despite the fact that we weren’t even born)

So I’m just here to say thank you to Jesus for dying for my sins, thank you for your sacrifice on the cross, thank you for redemption, thank you that I can cry Abba Father, thank you because I’m God’s work in progress, thank you because I know that all things are working out for my good. 

Romans 5:7-8 KJV

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. [8] But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Happy Easter guys. 

🍔 Cheeseburger. 

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